Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I AM VODKA MAN
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
