Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
