I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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