omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
