We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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