You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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