did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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