someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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