I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
