remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
