Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
