to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Help. Why am I so naked?
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