apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
