This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
