just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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