Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
