I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
