Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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