he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
