RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
