The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
