if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
