Umm I'm too high to move.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
