Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
