my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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