She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
