he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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