I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
