so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
