Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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