Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
