He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
