After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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