fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
