Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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