She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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