You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
