i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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