She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Terrible idea I love it
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
