is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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