I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
high people should be assigned attendants
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
