after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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