Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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