Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
