I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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