help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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