and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
