if you like me you must not know who I am
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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