I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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