My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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