i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
