Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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